You look at it, and you know it in your heart. That kitten is just the one for you. That mewing, purring, little ball of fluff is just the thing you've been looking for. It'll keep you company. It'll keep away people with alergies. It'll sleep on your toes at night and sit on the toilet while you brush your teeth. It'll play with loose bits of tinfoil and plastic bags. It's just what you need to make a house a home.
     There's a lot you don't know at first though. Things such as the kitten won't sleep on your toes at night, it'll eat them. It'll make your alergies flare. It'll watch you in your every waking moment because it feels as though you are an intruder in its domain, not vice versa. When you're making out, it'll squirm between you and your significant other and want to know what's going on. It'll pee on anything it can, not out of malice, but because it's bladder is so damn small sometimes it just can't help it. It'll jump on the table and eat your green beans before you realize what's happened. It'll lick your pizza too. It'll use your rug as a scratching post and think the REAL scratching post is out to get it.
     But it goes deeper than that. It'll chew on your ear when you're typing at the computer. It'll be so excited to see you shave that it'll jump on the toilet without realizing the lid's open. Twice. It will work to decimate any bit of feather on any plastic stick, even if that feather's going around and around and around and around and around and whoops, it fell down, again. It'll try to jump up on the bed... and miss. It'll try to jump up into your lap... and miss. It'll try to attack your hair while you're putting it up only to run face first into your nose. You can heave the kitten half-way across the room, scream "Projectile Motion!", and it'll still come running back to you. It'll eat mushrooms you give it, but not olives 'cause they're nasty.
     My kitten is dumb. She's bound and determined that her name is actually "Kitten Get." She falls into toilets, is scared of Kitty's boots, and can't quite seem to scale my lap. She makes sure all plastic bags in the house know who's boss, is determined that PlayStation controller cables are enemies, and thinks that ears, toes, ankles, and heels are damn near delicious. She is my kitten, and I love her.
     But dear lord she's dumb.

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